Christmas Confession

Christmas Confession Time: I wasn't ready for the holiday this year. Not in the conventional sense anyway. In fact, every year I chastise myself for not being so great at "doing the holidays" (having a house decorated to the nines, gifts wrapped, thoughtful cards mailed to all). I'm simply not timely when it comes to festive demonstrations of love... and premeditated holiday prep just ain't my thing. This year I'm doing as best I can to release the shame and should'ing around it all for good.

Thus, I'd like to advocate on behalf of those of us who just don't "do" the holiday... may we lean into the BEing-ness of the season. Each of our varied expressions of this day are complete and full. just as they are.

Be totally and fully present to the people that you love... it IS truly the most beautifully sacred gift you can offer. Be generously lavish and wisely discerning with this gift of your time and energy (and that of those around you!), for it is more precious than anything money can buy.

I love you in spite of all the gifts you forgot to buy.
I celebrate all the cookies you have yet to eat.
And I trust you to do the holidays as you see fit.

Happy Christmas & Merry EveryDay to all.

I'm off to deliver my PRESENCE as best I can now... just felt compelled to share this gentle reminder (one I so desperately desired to share with those who might need it too).


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Watershed Moment


Today would have been my brother Tony's 39th birthday. Tonight I sit with a heavy heart, reading and reflecting upon the final email exchange that he and I had before his passing in the spring 2010... one in which he encouraged me around my ever-changing passions. He wrote to me:
"You have a wonderful way with audible and written words. Depth, clarity of purpose, and impact all describe your use of language." He used to love reading my posts and offering his reflections.

And as he knew all too well, it is when I am broken open that my words spill most authentic. Thus at this dark hour of the night in the shadow of his passing, I feel a familiar tug in my gut... urging me to express, promising the relief that awaits just on the other side of baring it all.  

I'm in the business of expressing change.
Constantly. It seems my path (and how I naturally reflect for those around me) has everything to do with honoring continual adjustments in life; allowing each external change of course to result in greater self-calibration. I specialize in watershed moments, but I gotta tell ya... it isn't always smooth sailing.

I've spent the past couple of weeks sick and a bit discouraged. Registration isn't what I had hoped for a new online program, even though it's jam-packed with value. To be honest, packaging my inspiration is a real drag. It's been somewhat of a buzz kill (
not because I have any issue with the making of money)... for me packaging sucks because selling my most heartfelt labors of love and tying my creative expression to "a promise" diminishes potential for the real return. The return outside of the money... the one that really matters most to me. It's what Tony highlighted back in 2009... that I'm only now really starting to get. Impact is the return that makes it all worthwhile. It truly pains me that only a handful of people will benefit from all that I pour into the next three months. Requiring people to "buy-in" in order to experience the return just isn't working for me. Not at all. 

Rest assured, I see that it is me who I created it this way. I am an impassioned writer... marketing myself as a coach. I want it to be the other way around. Creating programs (and even sharing with you all here) is more or less an excuse to write, an avenue for my greatest passion. I'm only now realizing that I've been missing the point.  

My writing and creative expression isn't mean to be a commodity, it's meant to be shared.


Nothing pains me more than feeling out of integrity; Tony and I most certainly had that in common. Which is why I am telling you all of this. I feel blessed that so many people seem to find value in my musings... and I plan to allow my faith in my writer self (and in the bigger picture) to propel future creations. I want to give of myself to the world, not hide behind a promise. Self publication here I come... and you'll be getting more from me in the year to come. 

Does this mean I will stop coaching?
Hell no... but I'd love to stop calling it that.

And I'm immediately adjusting the 
upcoming program to honor this shift... clearing away the coach-speak, technological fluff, and getting down to the REAL business of modeling expression. Currently there are only 6 women enrolled but I can promise you that these lucky ladies are about to get the very best of me. I'm going to pour my passion on the page (and into our live classes) more deliberately and fiercely than ever before. I will model through vulnerability... I will share and offer my own liberated expression without concern for bottom lines or delivery on packaged promises. Because neither of those motivate me to create. 

What motivates me? >>>  Sharing what authentically moves me and feeling it resonate.
Filling an honest-to-goodness need in the moment, without even trying.

Thank you for continually being my witness, {{firstname}}.

BTW if you'd still like too join in the
TribeNectar Immersion experience, it's not too late.  Message me directly to discuss whether it's right for you. 

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Zoom Out to Tune In


Early this week I had a major meltdown. Yep, it was a doozy. And it all surfaced just before I was headed out to teach class. Ahh... isn't timing divine? ;)

There was of course, a
circumstance... but the storyline that triggered me is of little importance. Very little in fact. Because we are rarely upset about what-is-happening around us; it's more often than not about what-is-stirring at greater depths. Nevertheless, in the moment I was caught in a web of emotion that spun me into full-blown tantrum

It wasn't pretty. Nope, not at all.
I pointed fingers, found fault. I cursed my sensitive nature. I shouted, sobbed, and snotted my discontent.

And then... even though my body was flooded with adrenaline and panic, I was able to zoom out. 

Change is a'rockin' my world. I mean November has been an up-leveling of grand proportions. 16 days ago I moved in with my beloved... a huge move for a single woman of 38. My independence has defined me for so long, it's an adjustment to allow the risk and the vulnerability of partnership, weaving my life together with another. 

Add to that, I've promised on the delivery of another
newborn coaching program. My creative process equals motherhood (it means that much to me). And, I feel the blissful pain-pleasure of birth pending. Daily I vacillate between exhilaration and anxiety (btw, the only difference between the two is all in whether or not I choose to BREATHE). I scribble down inspired ideas: yay! that's what I mean to say!... come face-to-face with doubt: oh holy shit, can I really pull this off?!... and mostly do my best to occupy the space in between.

Trust is up for me, on oh-so many levels.

Which brings us back to my major meltdown moment
ah-hah. I am actively learning how to trust myself. The ability to ZOOM OUT while while deeply triggered was a gift... it enabled me to know what I am really up against internally. The terror of taking a chance on me, my passion, and what I love most. I am learning to trust (not someone else) but ME. Overriding a practiced insecurity and risking the reach anyway. 

Once I began speaking to that, connection within (and thus, with my partner) was re-established immediately. 

YOUR TURN >>>


Are you projecting your pain onto a circumstance that has you feeling out of control?
Does the idea of actually feeling the weight of it all make you want to curl up or lash out? Are you creating more work for yourself by fighting against or pretending to be powerless? Are you focused on this&that, him&her... and ignoring the deeper work? (note: answer 'all of the above' if you've been feeling stuck for awhile)

I invite you to zoom out... which will enable to you tune IN:


1 ~ Zoom. Take a higher vantage point by stepping above the storyline.
2 ~ Admit what you're afraid of and/or what you're really fighting for/against.
3 ~ Stick to YOUR truth; take back what is yours to own (your feelings, needs, desires).
4 ~ Allow the pain and vulnerability to bubble up and access the deeper edge you are working.  
5 ~ Reframe this edge; create an intention that you commit to focus on moving forward.
6 ~ Communicate BOTH the vulnerability and the strength you're conjuring to establish more intimate connection.  

It was this basic process that enabled me to move from meltdown: 
I can't do this! It's too fucking much!... back to a place of center in just 15-minutes time. It should be noted that having a supportive partner as an ally (once I stopped pointing fingers at him! ;) and a witness helped move things along more quickly.

NEVER underestimate the power of entrainment. The people you surround yourself with matter more than you think. 

And embrace your meltdowns... they are opportunities for big-time bust through, if you are willing to stop spinning the story. 


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An Exercise in Gratitude


I've been a bit tortured by my ambitious spirit over the past few days. Feeling loads of anxiety around not doing enough of this or that... navigating insecurity around how in the hell to show up. It's been exhausting, as "trying" always is.

Today I'd like to express gratitude for the *unique imprint* that you make on the world by just being *you*. I'm not talking about the things you do or have because you try, work hard, learned how, made it happen... but the things you simply can't help but offer. Your way of being that takes little-to-no effort.

That's what we love about you most.

You touch more hearts that you could ever know. Truly, you do. Please take a moment and feel gratitude for the grace of being just as you are. Right here. Right now. Complete while unfinished.

Does this exercise in gratitude sound selfish to you? Then you're missing the point. Self acceptance is the quickest way to open your heart... and spread love all around.

Do your inner work, first... then go love somebody real good.

<3 Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

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Truth vs. Tantruming


Why do so many shy away from spilling the truth?
Partially because many so-called "truth-tellers" express themselves in ways that leave the people around them feeling slimed. Deeply compassionate souls aren't really all that interested in contributing to and/or wading through all that muck... so they suck it up and keeping their truth tucked safely inside.

I recently read this quote on Facebook:
It's funny how everybody considers honesty a virtue, but nobody wants to hear the truth.

Hmm... I suggest you immediately give pause to anyone uttering these words. While I believe there is certainly something to that notion, more often than not this is used as a convenient excuse following ineffectual delivery. 

What if we were to take more responsibility for how our expression is being received by the world?... for the results that we are getting? Perhaps the truth doesn't always have to hurt... and speaking out doesn't have to mean alienating others, burning bridges, or mass rebellions. 

There is no such thing as perfect communication, nor is there a guaranteed sidestep for emotional triggers. Nevertheless how the world
repeatedly responds to us has more to do with what we are bringing than we are often willing to take ownership of. 

When it comes to communicating (that includes hearing!) what matters most, we often get derailed by our wounds. Our best intentions to own and express our vulnerability miss the mark because most of us don't have healthy models of how to do this. Instead, we end up "tantruming" vs. sharing, shrouding our pain in justifications and/or mature posturing.

We rarely get the results we want, because our deepest truth just isn't being conveyed. Sharing a story is not the same thing as sharing intimacy. In fact, it's more often than not a distraction from the connective opportunities stewing beneath the surface. Connection results from diving beneath the drama. It's learning to courageously expose and admit pain, especially when primal instinct urges you to lash out. It means owning protections and projections more fully... speaking directly about what it is you are most afraid to own. 

Save yourself the struggle and get to the heart of what it is you want to express to those you love. Let go of the storyline (ever-open to interpretation), stop pointing fingers (defense kills connection, ownership feeds it), and speak to the inarguable truths deep within (your own feelings, needs, and desires).

Want to learn how to do this effectively in the company of other women?
Join the tribe. >> http://bit.ly/182Pytx


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Nectar 101


Nectar 
is what call the distilled, refined essence of what it is you most want to express in life. It is what's being overlooked when you seek to offer your most genuine self, but the impact just isn’t there.

Knowing your nectar and expressing from the space of your deepest true leads to dreams fulfilled and genuine heartfelt connections. It's how you squeeze every ounce of juice from life that you can... guiding so much more than your words, your deepest true ultimately determines how you show up in life.

Words, gestures, and the choices you make, beneath every move lies the heart of what you mean to express. Your ability (or inability) to consciously tap into your deepest true is what determines how well you are received and what you get back from the people and circumstances in your life.

When you discover how to tap into your nectar and habitually distill expression to its core essence, when you deliver truth and make choices from that place, it saves you valuable time and energy. Drama is averted and conditions for connection are ripe.

TribeNectar and
The Spill Your Truth curriculum is about clear communication; yet it is really about so much more than that. It's about learning to more consciously express yourself with every aspect of your being. 

Heart-centered assertiveness is an empath's greatest training ground... offering countless opportunities to own and express compassionate truth, without taking anyone out. It's a practice that goes far deeper than tried-and-true communication techniques. 

I can teach you to speak up... but that doesn’t guarantee you will be heard. 

I can urge you to stand up for something vs. fighting against what-is... but that won't untangle you from the drama's seduction. 

Guiding you toward your most vulnerable truth and demonstrating how to tap into that and express yourself more authentically from that place... this is a tangible freedom that has the power to change your life. 

For good.

Want to learn more? Visit
TribeNectar.com. Act quickly. Early Bird registration ends Friday. 


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Aloha... Soaking Up Mama Kauai

Aloha!

I am writing to you from a beautiful guest house in Kilauea, on the north shore of Kauai. One of my dearest friends is hosting a transformational seven-day retreat, and I feel blessed to be a part of it. I'm on the island for two weeks total, and for the past few days I have been immersed in the company of women. It's so powerfully nurturing to be surrounded by other like-hearted souls who are likewise possibility-oriented... all willingly reach past what-is into what-may-be, actively keeping our hearts open to life at every turn.

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It's extraordinary to stand tall and hold eye contact with the beautiful-ugly truth... through practice, developing the confidence to have an unflinching dialogue with the raw spaces inside. Growth doesn't have to hurt OR be a heavy trek through the dark. 
Given the right tools, we can up-level our lives without all the drama... putting our empathic gifts to work within enables us to evolve without terrorizing ourselves or the people around us.

My vision in the creation of 
TribeNectar is to offer women from all over the world access to the richness of what I am experiencing here, everyday. It's essential to practice showing up for one another at our best, while being willing to own our worst... together learning that it's safe and essential to expose what's true. While I prescribe to the merits of privacy, I feel we often take things too far, over-isolating ourselves from life's most natural medicine... vulnerability through conscious self-exposure. 

Transformation happens when we share openly with others who feel as we do. Safe and habitual exposure puts us in touch with the space of our most honest human potential.

Retreat doesn't have to happen only once a year in a distant exotic location. You can begin to experience collective synergy right now. Apply to join 
theNetwork - an intimate online community discussion group, led by yours truly. Smattered across the globe, we are a close-knit group of witnesses all willing to grow and learn through offered experiences. I provide some fodder for our interactions, and I invite you to do the same. Announce and own your expansive intentions. Offer your stories of challenge. Purge your frustrations and upsets. I will do my best to chime in on every thread, offering *totally free group coaching* while keeping the unfiltered juices flowing. Important side note: everything shared in our group must be kept confidential, without exception. A brief application required to ensure alignment.

And if you want to liberate your voice in a way you never thought possible, check out the first ever TribeNectar Immersion. It's a 99-day experience that will transform the way you express yourself in every arena of your life. 
The Spill Your Truth Curriculum offers highly-interactive, heart-centered assertiveness training that works. 

Off I go to take in the island and gather up more goodness to share with you all!

Soaking up the Nectar, 

Candice



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Being Seen. What Does It Mean?


A couple of weeks ago I was asked a pivotal question... my answer to it not only surprised me, it liberated me.

I was confiding to a friend and colleague that, when it comes to my livelihood, I've long been divided within. I've often wondered:
How do I compromise my bohemian sensibilities with my driving creative ambition?

In the past couple of years, I have spent time and money up-leveling my entrepreneurial skill set... and it's led to huge leaps in my business and in my life. Yet something just hasn't been sitting quite right within. My biz training repeatedly reinforces that "being successful" as an author and coach is directly related to exposure. As an online entrepreneur, how seen you are matters big time, and social proof has become the ultimate measure of success. 

But is it? Does it
really matter how many web views, likes, and shares you get? Can you do great work, have global significance, and make money without all the celebrity persona BS? Some part of me was buying heavily into this notion of needing to be an authority in my given field, while my inner artist wants to bare my soul only when I feel authentically-called. 

Either way, I felt had to confess something...
Red-faced with shame and vulnerability, I admitted aloud for the first time:  "I'm ashamed to admit it, but I guess I have a burning need to be seen."

In all her wisdom, she didn't judge... she merely pressed on:
"So what does that mean to you? WHEN do you feel most seen?"

Now this was a watershed moment for me... because suddenly it dawned on me that I wasn't ashamed of the need to be seen itself, I was held hostage by the way in which I was conceptualizing it. 

Celebrity status will never truly satisfy me; yet, experiencing the significance of my existence in the smallest of ways totally rocks my world. I know this because I have "been seen" for much of my adult life. I've taught and performed in front of literally thousands of people. Yet, in the avenues of great exposure I often felt the least revealed. Nothing has shown me myself as clearly as when I sit one-on-one with a client. 

Why is that?
Because I feel seen when my vehicle & voice have deep and measurable impact. 

When I listen with my heart and respond from my gut, only to then see a light that was once hidden ignite in a client's eyes. When the music tells my body what to do, and I offer its echoes directly to someone who falls in love with her luscious hips for the first time. When I risk and share the truth of my experience, and it's relevant to someone in the moment they need it most. When my self-expression means that life itself has been altered in some positive way. 
Boom. DEPTH. IMPACT. That's when I feel seen.

Perhaps
being seen is different for each one of us, and whether or not an audience is required depends up your unique way of touching the world and/or what it is you're after. It could be that the glowing possibility in your child's eyes is all the honest reflection you need. I'd like to offer that how deeply you connect with and influence the people in your immediate world is far more satisfying than how many friends/followers you have in a virtual one. 

What does being seen mean to you? I'd love to hear your perspective.
Please share your thoughts in the comments below. 


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What are you fighting for?


Got Drama? That's all on you. 

If some part of your life rivals a daytime mini-drama - or even if it's got you
bored to tears - you've gotta be willing to look at that. Now I divorced my new-age alter ego a few years back, so I'm not at all implying that every challenge you face is entirely your doing... that you called it all in, blah dee blah herein-lies-the-keys-to-the-universe. Nope. None of that. I've found that life is more than anything else an untamed occurrence, and that it's why's are perhaps the most beautiful ugly mystery around. Having said that, once you grow up and wake to the reality of choice, *it's you* who decides how you engage with your circumstances. 

Let me ask you a pivotal question . . .  

What are you fighting for? 
Health? Love? More money? To be seen? A greater cause?  Or perhaps you just wish you had a life worth fighting for.

But you see... that's all drama. Every last ounce of it. 

Look at the question again.
What are you fighting for?... as in WHY? 

Why. are. you. fighting? 

When you fight life, it fights you back. It matches your aim. Every war (even one waged within) is dramatic. And it's a cyclical push-pull where there is far more energy lost than gained.

By definition, to fight is
to oppose action. Another interesting play on words, isn't it? So... What action are you opposing?

Being a coach and teacher for the past decade has blessed me with literally thousands of mirrors, and I have come to see (in myself and others) that our suffering is tied to our attachment to our storylines... our fighting
against what-is... our need to defend our brokenness... our opposition to change... the oh-so-compelling dramas of life... all these keep us steeped in recurrent cycles of pain. 

Drama = everything you spend your time on instead of moving toward what you want.
It's avoidance disguised as progress. It's the over-processed emotionally fueled mental fugue you get caught in, instead of allowing for change. 

Buying into drama (along with believing everything you think) is the primary way you oppose action and living your life anew. It's what keeps you from flexing your power in a way that will break the mold, set you free, and line you up with more joy than you've ever known. Drama is the story you create as justification to not-choose... when in fact
your fear is the #1 thing that's holding you hostage.

Want it to keep hurting? Want to stay stuck?... then keep on fighting. 
Keep on fighting to figure it out when it's muddled. Keep on fighting to make it work when it doesn't. Keep on fighting to be understood when they just don't get you. Keep on fighting & you'll stay stuck.

What's the alternative to drama? Surrender? Could be. Although more often our idea of surrender looks more like settling.... and settling in life can be the biggest drama there is. Life will beat down those who don't allow for the next expression to be born. 

Settling (hating what-is)... Fighting (resisting what-is)... neither of these are what powering up is about. Power, as I define it, is about purposeful propulsion toward greater significance and joy. Risking the reach and actioning your life in the direction of what you want.

The best part is, a habit of self-advocacy is its own reward. When you love you enough to stand for what you want (instead of fighting against what you have)... happiness is truly discovered through the journey. 

Life doesn't have to hurt. It's supposed to feel good. 

Disagree with me? Fine by me. I don't have to be right by you to be right by me. If however, you are intrigued by this idea, please consider putting down your weapons of resentment, stop fighting the eternal what-is... and
become an advocate for the life you want. Use your precious energy more wisely, and leave the drama to the screenwriters.
 


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Yesterday's Rant. Inside My Crazy.


Welcome to yesterday's rant. It wasn't meant for your eyes when I sat down to write it. And, that's exactly why it feels worth sharing. ;)

Today is a bitch. I'm feeling stuck and unclear. 
Wildly uncertain of which direction to move in. 

I sit down to write and stare blankly at the screen. I start working on a new project, only to half-ass it... my mojo drains so fast I hardly have time to push the save button. Yesterday and today combined, I've spent roughly 6 hours in front of my computer accomplishing next to nothing. Writer's block doesn't even begin to describe it.

My mind is a madhouse.

A couple of days ago, I made a commitment... it's a reach in a very positive direction, AND it is one that I'm crazy anxious about pulling off. My past track record has me feeling unsettled. Can I really make this happen gracefully? How will I make good on my promises? to me. my partner. my business. my bank account.

When will I begin to see a clear path from a to z? Can I really create a life that doesn't require me to work nonstop in order to live it as I see fit? Am I naive to think that I can really have it all?

And
oh holy hell, here it comes... the white wash of shame descends upon me, providing me with a detailed catalog of my faults, past mistakes, and deluded notions. My confusion completely blocks the flow of movement and creative expression. 

Or wait. Does it?

What if advancement forward isn't contingent upon clarity OR confidence? 
What if expression doesn't need be pretty (or figured-out) in order to have value? The voice that is most potent and meaningful is the voice that is REAL. 

My mind is forever changing; contradiction is its norm. The very same thoughts that yesterday built me up, may tomorrow leave me panting for air. 

And I know that 
once we see a way out, we can't un-see it. If we stay in a reality outgrown, we suffer. When we take the walk through the terror of the unknown, we'll likely discover something better than before.Eventually. I have seen it so. For me. For many.

Personal evolution isn't all about positive thinking and the reach for higher vibrations. So-called "negativity" is an essential indicator of dissonance between where we are and where we want to be. To reach our potential we must learn to harness the power of our own destruction. Life means willingly (and sometimes heartbreakingly) destroying what no longer serves us in order to rebuild a life anew. 

Negativity
can be a total mind-fuck OR it can show me what keeps me from my desires. The difference is in taking the note being offered and doing something with it, versus getting sucked into stories and emotional quicksands. I won't buy into my insecurities, nor will I hide them from myself or others. Any habit of thought that makes me feel like shit can be shifted quicker in the owning. I accept my crazy notions, and strive to build a live where they no longer have room to roam. 


Here's hoping that yesterday's emotional shit-storm (and the inevitable de-construction of an outdated-me) isn't for naught... it's a story worth sharing. 

Even if not. It's real. And that's good enough for me.

Yours in crazy cahoots,
Candice


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3 Fears That Keep Us Stuck

I specialize in helping people get unstuck. Over the years, my work has shown me that there are three questions that can quickly reveal how to get a life moving again. 

What are you afraid to admit?
What you feel most called to withhold just might be holding your life hostage.
 The most vulnerable and pivotal truths are often steeped in shame, so we keep them hidden from view. Feelings, thoughts, and impulses we would rather reject end up lashing out at our lives... acting out, like the neglected children of our psyche. 

Denial keeps you (and everyone around you) stuck. 
You can't change it if you aren't willing to own it.

Admitting your desires and or struggles from a place of empowerment looks very different than bitching and moaning. Self advocacy is the willingness to stand up and announce your willingness and right to overcome challenges, mutating your secret pains into rip-roaring power. Claiming your needs be honored is a healthy act of sovereignty. 
Afraid that your truthful admission will hurt those closest to you?... I can assure you that denial of your deepest true will do far more damage in the long-run. The most painful truth is often the most potent. Show up for you and allow others the opportunity to show up for how it lands in their world.  

What are you afraid to let go of?

Some part of your life has been long outgrown. It could be a role you've been playing, a relationship, a job, or simply a state of mind that no longer serves your greatest good. We tether our identity to beliefs and circumstances that serve us for a time... until eventually they become ill-fitting. We have to allow for many deaths in order to keep birthing our lives forward. 

Letting go can be a bitter-sweet confusion.
It is a treacherous reach into the great unknown. 

When something or someone no longer satisfies our needs in the now, it means divorcing a dynamic. It can be painful to release ourselves from something that we once identified with or invested in so profoundly. Not to mention we must face the terrifying expanse of the wide empty terrain that awaits us. 
Do you fear that letting go means giving up?... Release can be about authentic freedom or it can be avoidance of a necessary medicine. Not sure? Ask yourself if in letting go you would feel a sense of relief on a soulular level. Letting go of something good because of a genuine call toward something great is no step backwards, even if you can't yet see where you are going.

What are you afraid will never happen?

There is an expression within you that you ache for. While you may not be clear as to how this expression will come to be, some part of you yearns to feel your uniqueness manifested in form. Expression can show up in a conversation, artistic creation, vocation, relational role, or simply in expressing your innate freedom to do none of these things. 

It's time you author your own story. 
Some part of you is meant to ask 
why (or why not?) in a way no one has before. 

Restlessness will be your constant companion until you willingly move your life in the direction of what you really want. That dull nameless ache in your gut that keeps you from appreciating all the blessings you see around you?... it's pointing you toward something. And it's most likely daring you to challenge the status quo within your world in some way.  
How can you more authentically express this life you call yours?... Perhaps you are operating under the assumption that your dreams are out of reach to you because of the way you've always seen it done. There is no guidebook for what it is that you want to express, for it's never been done before. Stop waiting for the variables align perfectly when you are the one creating the game board for you. 

Are any of these fears keeping you stuck? 
Is there another you'd like to share?
Tell us about it in the comments below.


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Trust. It's An Inside Job.


Can I trust you? 


It's question numero uno when it comes to matters of the heart. Some offer trust freely until it is compromised... others say
hell no to that, insisting that trust be earned. Either way, most of us desire reliability in intimate connections. We hold high standards for truth and demand loyalty in our associations. Damned straight. Nothing wrong with that. 

Yet how do we trust another without giving away our power?

It's a fine line, isn't it?... for to trust is to place emotional security in the hands of another. One might even go so far as to say that, in trusting someone, we rely on them to navigate life in a way that promises not to unsettle us. Sound far-fetched?... maybe, but this co-dependent definition of trust is a common romantic notion that leads to a whole helluva lot of suffering in the world. 

The truth is, trust means different things to different people. 


It's near impossible to create concrete guidelines for what exactly constitutes trustworthiness. Regardless how noble the intention, trust can never be guaranteed for it is far too subjective to pinpoint. Some say
I'll trust you if you never lie, others consider trust a reward for the overriding of sexual urges... others allow greater freedom as long as they experience loyalty and someone who stays when the going gets rough. While these parameters may overlap, at other times they contradict one another... not to mention they attempt to control and systematize intimate connection - perhaps the most illusive human endeavor there is.

In fact, I've seen relationships crumble through well-meaning efforts to instill trust. Perhaps one partner conjures the courage to offer full emotional disclosure
, only to very soon retreat back into silence due to the emotional backlash they receive upon sharing a hard truth. Little by little, trust is compromised, not solely because of the cold hard facts of life's many influxes, but also due to the ways our wounds lash out upon hearing the beautiful-ugly truth we were so sure we could handle. The grown-up parts of us long for emotional transparency; yet, our childlike-primal selves are still learning to navigate it. 

It's always a gamble trusting someone... anyone. AND it's most definitely a two-way street. If you want true mutuality of intimacy then you'd better be ready to hear things that sting and/or rock you to your very core.

Will you hurt me? Yes. Probably.


On the surface it seems so simple. If people just tell the truth and keep their word, then no one will get hurt. I'm sure you know by now, that's not at all how it works. The heart doesn't keep score, nor will it always move in the direction of reason. Thus, when you base trust (and good favor) on predictability and someone pledging allegiance to live his or her life according to 
your edges, get ready to have your boundaries challenged again and again. 

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not at all saying we shouldn't hold people accountable for their emotional indiscretions or misrepresentations of fact. I'm just inviting you to take a closer look... strongly advocating that someone be trustworthy might also just be another way that you defer to others, escaping the real work of facing your vulnerability and owning it as power. 

For example: Are you making someone else wrong for being true to themselves, denying your power to have a say (and be at play) in how you are "being treated?" You can turn that pain into power by first admitting that the perfection of trust is an illusion. 

In relationship, someone is always sure to step out of bounds. 


Why? Because no matter how much we line up with others, we are always and will evermore be sovereign creatures with unique desires and ways of moving in the world. The more you deny that reality, the more often life will step in to remind you.

Now believe me, trust is important to me... I know all too well that when trust is violated it sucks royally. And this is true however it goes down: through overt deception - conscious misrepresentations or lies of omission... and/or via a change of heart - what happens when the soul is called to alter its course and loved ones experience the fallout. While the latter is certainly my preference, it can still hurt like hell. Heartbreak is a bitch no matter how ya slice it. 

Nevertheless, change WILL happen, and sometimes it isn't so pretty. We can hope for and call upon the very best in people, yet we are ALL equipped with a shadow capable of unleashing hell, especially upon those who love us most. 

Are you putting your trust in the right hands?


Trust is an inside job. If you really want mutuality of intimacy in your relationships, you've got to put
self-reliance at the center. You are in charge of your needs - expressing them and creating boundaries in response to those around you, every step of the way. 

I'm not implying that another's indiscretion is your fault... not at all. Life isn't always fair. You won't always get to choose which of your edges you work (at least not consciously). However, you CAN choose to trust in yourself and your power to respond more gracefully to the hand you are dealt. 

What will you do when someone's choices challenge your own sense of justice? 


Will you condemn them? Or will you forgive and forget? 
Will you inch-in closer? Or will you create space between you? Will you make them the enemy? Or will you be your own advocate by owning your edges? 

There is no right answer. It's your choice, always. TRUST YOURSELF to show up when you need you most.
 Self-reliance becomes the ultimate eternal vow. You are no longer a victim of betrayal when you take your power back and own your responses to life. 




Comments

birthday suit


birthday suit


it’s me
again
38
times
screaming naked sleek
gritty with joy

streaking across the page
like I do

my wishes
have arrived
later than expected
much like I did to this world
pushing gestation to its max
then coming in
full throttle
with
hold onto your fucking hat
here I am
magnificent
intensity

unnecessary labor
has never made sense to me
not when you can launch new life
with the impeccable grace of right timing

ah yes
life is good
better than ever
my destiny
ripe

high on beauty
rooted in ugly
me


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Sharing. How Much Is Too Much?

When it comes to sharing your truth, how much is too much? It depends on you. In this wild world of social networking, transparency isn't for everyone. 

Some are into heavy weightlifting, flexing their power to explore the edges of their physical prowess. I like to push the bounds of emotional exposure in order to build power and strength. It's a personal high of mine. And it helps me to walk my talk and serve my clients better. Not everyone digs it though.


Of course, at times I question my way in the world. Is it safe to so publicly share myself and my musings, given how they are prone to an endless evolution? Is it really wise to tell my clients about my own moments of raw rip-roaring pain? Is it naive or narcissistic to think that someone out in cyberspace might even care about my latest ah-hah?


Hell if I know. I can't be bothered with such questions. I've just gotta do me. 
Teetering on the edge of things-best-kept-private suits my sensibilities. If cultivating a willingness for shameless self-disclosure is a bit nutty... it's nutty in the same way as skydiving, painting a 20-foot canvas, or traveling to every country on the globe. Unfiltered expression for the sake of itself may indeed be my artistic madness; commit me if you must, just make sure I have a pen and paper. 

However, I can't help but notice that liberated voices foster a culture of acceptance. When any of us openly express ourselves and our unique take on the world, we indirectly advocate for the silent among our tribe.
I have come to believe that taking ownership over your own unique brand of crazy is how you can most effectively touch lives and affect change. 

Yes, you may feel vulnerable and sometimes pained when critics cock their heads, perplexed by the way you walk (and talk) in the world. But it's
way worth it when you discover that your exposed truth had the power to make another person feel less alien. One touched life will make it worth all the times you've risked (or shared) too much.

And when people just don't get it (or you)? . . . 
Thank them... for they call you toward greater clarity and power. Be humble enough to ask yourself why you are feeling unsettled by the response you are getting. Is it because your message isn't clear enough? Okay then... tighten that baby up!

Yet sometimes the opportunity may just be to leave things as they are. Perhaps your expression has led you to fall out of favor in someone's eyes. It is then you must ask: Does the path to their understanding require that I shrink or alter my truth in any way? If so, I invite you to reconsider the edit, my dear.
You are not responsible for how your YOU-ness makes others feel. 

In the same regard, being validated for your experience or perspective doesn't always mean others' agreement. In fact, far too much expressive energy is wasted trying to convince others... when in reality, the need beneath the need is to simply be seen and honored in a viewpoint. 


Practice honoring people in their beautiful ugly duality, even when it's not yours. Life expresses back at us what we most need to see within ourselves. Hold space for endless vantage points and perspectives, and allow for others to hold their truth apart from yours. 


Oh, and btw... someone out there thinks it's hella sexy when you act a little crazy. I'm just sayin'.
 



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This Is IT!... or is it?

A few days ago, I spoke with a client who expressed growing concern that she hasn't yet discovered her purpose (aka: the one thing she is meant to create and share with the world). 

She is hardly alone in this torturous search; many hold fast to the idea that we are destined for one vocation and/or creative outlet that will sustain us for a lifetime.

Back in the day, I used to make myself nuts trying to fulfill this collective prophesy. I've had my share of 
This Is It! moments; and each time, I would quite-naturally pour my everything into becoming masterful in the one thing I was sure I'd always love doing. Now as you know, loving something and being good at it are two different things - initially I'd kinda suck at my newfound passion... yet with devoted time and practice I'd develop a signature style of my own, a confidence, an ease.

And that's precisely when
IT would totally turn on me.  Each time, not too long after fluency set in, my mojo would begin to fade. 

I'd be wildly disappointed each time
the one thing I was tying my future identity to no longer fulfilled me. I would become confused and shameful, assuming that my built-in-purpose-mechanism (didn't we all have one?) was failing me somehow. I figured I had some serious issues with commitment - that I was just a fickle poser who couldn't get her shit together enough to just stick to one thing. 

I mean, that's what we're supposed to do, right? Do one thing and stick to it?

But is it? Is it 
really?!

What if we just let IT go?
What if our one reason for being doesn't even fucking exist? What if our purpose is self-evident and always changing, like us? 

Jobs, hobbies, infatuations, creative endeavors... they come and go. The only genius to track is the enhanced version of YOU that results, everything else is just process. 

In fact, your purpose may just simply be
to become more you... more genuinely {{firstname}}-like, if you will.... versus some vocational persona you hang your hat on until you earn your last buck.

There are certain individuals out there who appear destined for a particular action - singing love songs, tending to a small home or village, or even finding a cure for cancer. Yet not all of us are built to express ourselves primarily through one avenue. In fact, your purpose might just be
to not do that. Maybe it's not that you're indecisive or unsure... perhaps your purpose is meant to evolve as you do... through an evolution that is only loosely tied to your day job, if at all. 

Still skeptical? Try this on: If you were granted the power to embody and
feel something strongly enough that it would magically re-shape the entire world in an instant (all without being able to do a thing) what would you choose to put out there? How would you feel on-purpose

Sah-weet! That's more like
it. Now tie your dreams to the cultivation of that sensation, in everything you do.

Heads up! The PHP 2013 Launch Sale Has Been Extended Thru July 31st.
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Start immediately upon registration.


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Express to Get Clear


Earlier this week, I had a session with a gifted client who is yearning to more boldly liberate her voice in both her business and personal life. She admitted that she doesn't feel free to fully express herself to others when her message isn't quite clear or figured-out-enough. 

Boy, do I get it. AND I've recently discovered two things:

Expression IS the path to clarity. 
It's not about withholding expression until you find the answers... in fact, it's just the opposite. 

When we feel stuck - in need of motivation, clarity, or direction - that is precisely when showing up is most essential. In the same way that ritualized movement naturally realigns the body and restores wellness... ritualized expression naturally realigns us with our voice, revealing clarity. 

So what do you say when you don't know what to say?  

The clearest expression is the realest one. 
Expressing what's most-real in the moment (even if it's a muddled admission of sheer confusion) will many times serve your path to clarity far more than hiding out and/or presenting the false pretense of having it all figured out.

If you want to offer an idea or sentiment (be it to a loved one, coworker, or prospective buyer), you'll be far more heard... and far more credible in the long term... if you tell the whole truth vs. a version of the story that gives them only what you think they want in the now. 

Enduring relationships of any kind require the strength to speak to the truth of the moment,
especially when vulnerability and insecurity is up. Not sure what to say, {{firstname}}? Speak to exactly where you are, and clarity will find its way to you faster. 

Heads up! The PHP 2013 Launch Sale Has Been Extended Thru July 31st.
Don't put it off any longer... enroll and learn to be your own hero, starting now.



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Unfinished Business

It may look polished, but it is hardly done. My business is as unfinished as I am. 

Big Fat Confession: I don't feel right, calling myself a life coach.
I really dislike the title and the projections that can come along with it. Yet past attempts to author a distinction all my own felt pretentious and/or always ended up sounding like some sort of new-age mumbo jumbo - and that ain't me either. 

I'm an expressionist who makes a living sharing my experiences with others. I teach and mentor women who want to dance freely to rhythms that I know well - both literally and figuratively. I don't have all the answers or the right moves, I have only my experiences and an innate ability to hear, see, and reflect light... even in the darkest spaces.

Releasing a 
curriculum has been super edgy for me, because it comes off as formulaic. I absolutely love teaching, yet creating classes - where ideas might be held constant - is risky business to say the least. Thus, the PHP course is more than anything else a collection of reflections on my own path of self-revelation... along with shortcuts and detours that have helped others avoid making the same mistakes that I have. 

Radically-real expression penetrates us to the core. It's not a special power to possess. We all have it. Yet, for most of us, it is scary as hell to do. Why? Because what is most real has the most power to activate us and the people around us - for better or for worse. 

As a mentor, provocateur, and poet... I get this in a big way. With every click of the keyboard, I run the risk of evoking sleeping giants. I see things and stir them up with my words, it's a reality I've been avoiding for most of my life. And so, even today, I find myself breathing through the anxiety of being so seen... coupled with an insatiable call to write that's been with me every day as far back as I can remember.

With ANY expression comes the inevitability of mixed reviews, not to mention the fact that a new and more crystal-clear insight is always just around the bend to challenge all we've ever said before. 

Think you've figured it out? Think again.

Our business is always unfinished, same as it ever was.

Feeling afraid to risk exposure? Me, too.

But remember, nothing clarifies like exposure to light.

PHP Enrollment is Now Open
Includes TribeNectar™ Community Access



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Shadow Sister


heads up, shadow sister
shame is on your sweet provocative ass
she's a righteous nag who wags her finger at your
wild truth
critiquing your
crazed animal heart 
until it crouches in the corner
quivering with doubt
wishing to be
f r e e

I see you
you (with)hold it in
when you could 
p o u r 
it
out

you suck it up
when you could 
b l o w
it
down

secrecy smothers the breath out of life
faking satisfied succulence drains a life dry

I see you
for we see what we are
nothing more. nothing less.

therefore the biggest lie
is that you are
alone


you’re not alone
you are a silent refuge
an orphan separated from her sister tribe
a revolutionary cast behind the bars of pretense

what if you could
safely wear a tender heart rubbed raw
right on your sleeve?

what if everyone woman
who thought herself a fucking mess
could be held in a share of her story?

what if
the very wounds that hold us hostage
were actually rebel forces meant to ride us
to freedom?

you can
she can
they are


you don’t have to squeeze yourself into a life
that doesn’t fucking fit

scared to let go?
afraid of what people will think?

me, too.
and
these two
precious words
have the power to
set us free

~
“Shadow Sister”
CandiceSchutter.com



PHP Enrollment is Now Open
Includes TribeNectar™ Community Access



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Making Sense of The Dark

The best sense I have made of my shadow is how it enables me to empathize and support others. Here's a peek into some insights that have sprung from my journeys in the dark. 
For years I wrestled with debilitating anxiety and tidal waves of depression. Despair has seized control over my heart and mind on more than one occasion. I have secretly gorged my body and nervous system with stimuli and comforts in an effort to drown out the pain. I've wallowed in hopelessness, hidden under the covers, cursed my fate, and ripped at the very fabric of who I am. I know what it is to plummet into the deep and dark. 
Rise and fall is how life propels us forward. Movement through unexpected currents is inevitable; but staying stuck in the undertow is a choice. Thus, I strive to become a savvy surfer. Mostly I've learned that if I want to be happy in life, I've gotta summon the power to ride the waves rather than resent them. When I face my fear and meet their challenge, I reach highs I never thought I would. 


I've given my power over to bullies, bosses, gurus, and convincing critics, drowning out my own voice to avoid disapproving tones or the spotlight of my discontent. I've been infuriated at the ways others seem so strong, making "it" look easy. I've bought into facades of perpetual togetherness, believing I must be alone (or somehow broken) in my disordered process.  

Power isn't something that can be taken, only surrendered. I set clear, heartfelt boundaries without saying a word when I'm standing in my fullness. I've learned not to make assumptions about what motivates others and that jealousy is just a way we keep ourselves small. Most of all, my precious energy is no longer misplaced; I spend myself only on those I feel I can be safely raw and real around. 


I live a mostly untethered life, which means that I disappoint people from time to time - taking a road less traveled for the sake of a larger sanity. I know what it feels like to be judged for not conforming… to be labeled naïve and immature for believing that we each have a right to live our lives without compromising our unique preferences. I’ve been called selfish, fickle (and worse) for being unwilling to settle in life. 

What people think of me isn't my business. I'm not interested in convincing you or anyone else of my way in the world... I want you to find your own. My tenacity and refusal to settle for less eventually pays off in the end. This has proved true in every area of my life. 


I know what it’s like to sacrifice stability for the sake of integrity… to not know where the rent is coming from… to ache in wonder of
what's next?... or... how in the hell am I gonna pull this off? I've let go of a whole lot of goodness in order to find ever-more greatness. And yes, change almost always pisses me off before I welcome it in. 
Resistance is raw power - potential unrealized. Fear and I have wrestled as frenemies for years; yet, I've recently come to love her for how her shamanic sourcery summons my courage to surface when I am willing to push back. 


I am most at home in the gray areas of life… where one person’s savior is another’s worst enemy… when the wrong thing is the right thing at the time… and where the person who does the guiding is the one most needing to take a humble detour along the way. 
We see the world through our eyes only. Therefore it's always a gamble to share your truth because only some will have a similar focus. Agreement, distain, or indifference... however this lands. Honor it. I see your truth, and I raise you a high five. 



How about you? What is the dark helping you to see more clearly?
Share your thoughts in the comments below...



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Seek Alliance vs. Answers

Many people mistakenly assume that a mentor, counselor, or coach presumes to have the answers. Hardly. In fact, I believe it works best if it's just the opposite. Being an advocate for others more often means that you are willing to continually ask the right questions.

No one can provide you with the answers you seek. An advocate and ally is the best you can hope for - someone willing to walk alongside you, reflecting back what you already know. Better yet if they have walked a day or more in your shoes... that much more do they have to offer as a mirror along your path. 

I share my thoughts with you not to sway you towards them. Nor do I write for release alone. (I have a journal for that.) I reach out to you as a demonstration of how unfiltered expression can free us from self-made confines that disconnect us from one another.

I see the vulnerability of exposure as the ultimate power building practice. For when I show up and am seen, I am forced to look at myself. 

How so exactly? 

Some people will like my musings; others will unsubscribe. Either way I gain power. From those who resonate with my art I receive external validation that my perspective matters. I feel like less of an alien when someone else sees the world through my eyes. As for those who don't feel I add value, this truth is just as real. We are necessary only to those who echo our deepest real; it's not personal. Besides, nestled within the sting of so-called rejection is a call to look within for validation and comfort. And any excuse to be my own lover is a welcome one in my book. 

I am a mirror for passionate, creative women who feel stuck or are settling for less than their hearts' desire. How do I know this? Because I have garnered wisdom from my own experience, and I feel honored to share. That's why I'm relaunching
my online course (which may as well be called: How I Found My Power & Learned to Love Life 101). I'm making it more affordable and more accessible than ever before. Choose from 7 virtual classes or experience the entire 12-week program. It officially launches July 1st. 

I won't give you the answers... but I can turn the light on in a room you forgot even existed. 

Your Ally in the asking ~ Candice 


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Death & Detox

Some say it takes 21 days to create a new habit. I'd consider that fairly spot-on, given my recent experience. Yesterday marked three weeks of body detox for me... no caffeine, no sugar, no dairy, no gluten/grains, no alcohol. The first 3 days were a real bitch, but I've been astounded since then by how easy it has been to override cravings that seem to pass through me like lightning if I give them very little space in my mind. I feel physically amazing... strong and lean... and mentally I have gained more power than I could have imagined I would. 

And then yesterday happened. Life stepped in to put me evermore to the test. My stepdad, who has been ill for some time now, died early Tuesday morning. I woke to a message from my mom sobbing; no matter how old I get the sound of my mom crying tears me to pieces. I won't go into the countless layers of emotion surrounding his death for me, but suffice to say it's complex... since then it's been roughly 24 hours of on/off self-torturous inner dialogue.

As it typically is with emotional surges, deep cravings rose to meet them on cue - techniques of self-soothing I have used most of my life to medicate through emotional pain. Last night, I wanted to crawl inside of a loaf of bread slathered with butter and let it cushion me forever. Lattes, martinis, french fries... they called out to my heaviness with familiar and intoxicating recognition. 

And I said no... I said, "no thanks" to every. single. urge. 

Not because I have to say no. Nor because I believe it's wrong to engage the pleasures of food and drink. (ha! I'm a total foodie, are you kidding me?!) I'm not at all interested in being some sort of nutritional martyr - self-righteous denial has nothing to do with my choices here.

I won't give into my cravings because I made a promise to myself... 30 days, no matter what. Every single day that I wake up
in integrity with any vow I make to me I gain - not just greater health (that's just the icing) - I gain confidence that I have the power to design my life as I see it. Not to mention I gain access to yet another beautiful-ugly blessing; this time I deal with my emotions by looking at them versus drowning them in denial. I'll let you know how that goes. ;)

In the meantime, how about you? Are you keeping the promises you make to yourself?



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Less Is More

If your inbox is anything like mine, it's overflowing with more than your life can rightly hold. I recently unsubscribed from nearly a dozen lists, simply because I couldn't take it all in. But you know who I couldn't let go of?... those rare bloggers who pack value into 3-5 sentences. People like Seth Godin; I read his emails,every single day. Zero fluff, he gets to the point right away, and I'm able to fully absorb his juice with little more than a blink and a scroll. 

From here on out I will write to you with the thoughtful-yet-reckless abandon that I speak in. Too many years as a copy editor have kept my fearless-writer-vixen pacing in her cage. I now aim to write with the flow-etic intensity that I bring to dance... I want to leave the page dripping with what's real. 

Yes, you'll be hearing from me more often; however, I promise to be concise and pointed... ripping the bandaid off quick... sharing coaching ah-hah's along with my own personal ugh's...  spilling my beautiful ugly out to you in order to be wholeheartedly me... and hopefully, inspiring you to do the same. 
Until soon.



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Love Thyself


How do you know it’s high time to LOVE thyself?

You spend time being agreeable, when you could just be happy. Secretly, you may be terrified that others might somehow learn how needy you actually are, so you put on a good face... you give rather than take... you fight to win favor through your smile and the ‘incessant yes’, pretending it doesn’t piss you off when you overlook your desires yet again. You say to yourself, it’s okay... at least I’m not selfish. But it’s not okay... and seeking approval is in fact selfish; it only serves to isolate you. When you repeatedly leave yourself behind, drama eventually knocks at your door to remind you where you are... shivering apart from others out in the cold. And that’s sure to piss you off...

In fact, that’s why
you can be a real bitch sometimes. But it’s okay; I get it. Life’s a real pain-in-the-ass when you feel stuck. You have grown far too attached to the reasons why-not. I catch you looking down at the hand that you have been dealt, pointing to stories you’ve long outgrown. It angers you to feel trapped and stuck in a cycle. Understandably! Yet feeling small, fearful, or powerless to change... those are all habits that have unfortunate side effects. But it’s all just an excuse to hide. I’m calling you out. The truth is, you define yourself by limitation because freedom scares the shit out of you. You defend your limitations, trumpeting your so-called truth - why you can’t leave that job... take that trip... work on that project... or be free of that pain. You’re just afraid. We all are. But that’s no reason to stop reaching for more.

In fact, in this age of diagnosis we are all clinically ape-shit crazy with fear half the time, yet
you assume that everyone else couldn’t possibly be as screwed in the head as you are. So you hide out. You shrink wrap your feelings and tuck them under your bed. You deny what is real... and you devour anything that might negate your discontent, reaching for food, lovers, or accolades to support identification with your shadowy dysfunctions. On the surface, you present a facade of togetherness... working hard at denial, taking a *spiritual bypass around that which you’d rather not face in order to feel you’re making a credible effort.

Yet you still feel broken somehow... like your past mistakes have a choke-hold on your future.
Why? Because you mistake growth for advancement toward perfection. Needless to say, you’re often disappointed. Looking out at a world full of other people cloaked in pretense, you compare yourself with the distorted reflections you see. You stand before the mirror, obsessively comparing yourself to airbrushed personas, crying out in frustration at your failed attempts at such-and-such.

You CAN break the cycle for good. I did it... many of my clients have... and you can, too. You can develop new habits and ways of being that will change your life forever... giving you more power than you could ever imagine.

Take back authority over your life. Trust and lean into the life you were meant to live. Be vulnerable. Roar your truth freely. Create a space that’s just for you. Push through fear and move anyway.
Love thyself and live as such.

Not sure how?
I can help. Promise.
But you’ve gotta
act quick.

Self-love awaits you.
In the meantime, read this
love letter to you.


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A (Tough) Love Letter


A Love Letter to The Real You:

I have no interest in your credentials, your street smarts, or your childhood wartime anthem. I welcome the raw and rowdy shit-storm that would erupt were you to explode your ugliest truth, the angry pent-up power buried beneath the story. I dare you to show me YOU in all your dancing naked singing karaoke at the top of your lungs no holds barred glory.
I want to see you as you are - beautiful broken bits and all.

On this Valentine’s Day, I invite you to step outside of pretense with me. For regardless of your orientation in body and heart, when you come out, you eventually fall in
love with who you were meant to be in this world. The real you is sexy as hell.

Take an emotional romp in an unmade bed, touching upon your heart’s forbidden places so that you might cry out in the ecstasy of releasing fully to what is real.
Like your body’s yearning, so does your soul’s cold hard truth soften in the sharing. May your self-seduction stir you into silent contemplation of the beauty and the beast within - the universal ugly that you share with each one of us. In exposing your madness, you permit me to find peace in my own.

I want to tell you something about
perfect love. It’s all a lie. Perfection, that is. Every single person you admire is secretly flawed and unwillingly imperfect, too. Everyone makes a mess from time to time. Especially me.

But ya know what? I’m tired of apologizing for it.
Aren’t you?

I’ve come to discover that it’s not my flaws that cause me and the people around me pain. It’s pretending not to have them... fighting to be above it all wreaks havoc on our lives. It is our denial that breeds anger, drama, and dysfunction. It is our self-abandonment and presumption that we can offer ourselves unconditionally and fully to another that gets us into trouble. Surrender of sovereignty gets in the way of offering real love. And spiritual bybass is a convenient excuse to avoid being vulnerable; it’s time we call ourselves on that shit.

I think you’re smokin’ hot when you forget to put on good face.
Can you love me there, as well?

If so, I think we have a chance to change this crazy world where secret selves cry out by inflicting pain on one another. But we gotta start with each other.

I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.

I love you,
Candice

P.S. Learn to
Love Thyself First


Comments