How do you know it’s high time to LOVE thyself?
You spend time being agreeable, when you could just be happy. Secretly, you may be terrified that others might somehow learn how needy you actually are, so you put on a good face... you give rather than take... you fight to win favor through your smile and the ‘incessant yes’, pretending it doesn’t piss you off when you overlook your desires yet again. You say to yourself, it’s okay... at least I’m not selfish. But it’s not okay... and seeking approval is in fact selfish; it only serves to isolate you. When you repeatedly leave yourself behind, drama eventually knocks at your door to remind you where you are... shivering apart from others out in the cold. And that’s sure to piss you off...
In fact, that’s why you can be a real bitch sometimes. But it’s okay; I get it. Life’s a real pain-in-the-ass when you feel stuck. You have grown far too attached to the reasons why-not. I catch you looking down at the hand that you have been dealt, pointing to stories you’ve long outgrown. It angers you to feel trapped and stuck in a cycle. Understandably! Yet feeling small, fearful, or powerless to change... those are all habits that have unfortunate side effects. But it’s all just an excuse to hide. I’m calling you out. The truth is, you define yourself by limitation because freedom scares the shit out of you. You defend your limitations, trumpeting your so-called truth - why you can’t leave that job... take that trip... work on that project... or be free of that pain. You’re just afraid. We all are. But that’s no reason to stop reaching for more.
In fact, in this age of diagnosis we are all clinically ape-shit crazy with fear half the time, yet you assume that everyone else couldn’t possibly be as screwed in the head as you are. So you hide out. You shrink wrap your feelings and tuck them under your bed. You deny what is real... and you devour anything that might negate your discontent, reaching for food, lovers, or accolades to support identification with your shadowy dysfunctions. On the surface, you present a facade of togetherness... working hard at denial, taking a *spiritual bypass around that which you’d rather not face in order to feel you’re making a credible effort.
Yet you still feel broken somehow... like your past mistakes have a choke-hold on your future. Why? Because you mistake growth for advancement toward perfection. Needless to say, you’re often disappointed. Looking out at a world full of other people cloaked in pretense, you compare yourself with the distorted reflections you see. You stand before the mirror, obsessively comparing yourself to airbrushed personas, crying out in frustration at your failed attempts at such-and-such.
You CAN break the cycle for good. I did it... many of my clients have... and you can, too. You can develop new habits and ways of being that will change your life forever... giving you more power than you could ever imagine.
Take back authority over your life. Trust and lean into the life you were meant to live. Be vulnerable. Roar your truth freely. Create a space that’s just for you. Push through fear and move anyway.
Love thyself and live as such.
Not sure how?
I can help. Promise.
But you’ve gotta act quick.
Self-love awaits you.
In the meantime, read this love letter to you.
A Love Letter to The Real You:
I have no interest in your credentials, your street smarts, or your childhood wartime anthem. I welcome the raw and rowdy shit-storm that would erupt were you to explode your ugliest truth, the angry pent-up power buried beneath the story. I dare you to show me YOU in all your dancing naked singing karaoke at the top of your lungs no holds barred glory. I want to see you as you are - beautiful broken bits and all.
On this Valentine’s Day, I invite you to step outside of pretense with me. For regardless of your orientation in body and heart, when you come out, you eventually fall in love with who you were meant to be in this world. The real you is sexy as hell.
Take an emotional romp in an unmade bed, touching upon your heart’s forbidden places so that you might cry out in the ecstasy of releasing fully to what is real. Like your body’s yearning, so does your soul’s cold hard truth soften in the sharing. May your self-seduction stir you into silent contemplation of the beauty and the beast within - the universal ugly that you share with each one of us. In exposing your madness, you permit me to find peace in my own.
I want to tell you something about perfect love. It’s all a lie. Perfection, that is. Every single person you admire is secretly flawed and unwillingly imperfect, too. Everyone makes a mess from time to time. Especially me.
But ya know what? I’m tired of apologizing for it.
I’ve come to discover that it’s not my flaws that cause me and the people around me pain. It’s pretending not to have them... fighting to be above it all wreaks havoc on our lives. It is our denial that breeds anger, drama, and dysfunction. It is our self-abandonment and presumption that we can offer ourselves unconditionally and fully to another that gets us into trouble. Surrender of sovereignty gets in the way of offering real love. And spiritual bybass is a convenient excuse to avoid being vulnerable; it’s time we call ourselves on that shit.
I think you’re smokin’ hot when you forget to put on good face.
Can you love me there, as well?
If so, I think we have a chance to change this crazy world where secret selves cry out by inflicting pain on one another. But we gotta start with each other.
I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours.
I love you,
P.S. Learn to Love Thyself First
One of the things that most fascinates me about the human experience is its endless variations and vantage points. Even when we attempt to put our best foot forward, we step on one another’s toes simply because we each have our own rhythm to follow.
Conflict used to scare the shit out of me. In my twenties I fought the good fight only with myself, the emotional residue of my childhood left me paralyzed in the face of dissonance of any kind. So I morphed myself into someone who took great pains to please the people around me. It was an exhausting and relentless pursuit... all to avoid hurting anyone. Unfortunately, I was beating myself down in the process.
I have since learned that in order to lift the veils of protection, you have to be willing to take a hit from time to time. That is how you come to know your edges. We discover sovereignty and self-dominion by giving over our power, then reclaiming it again.
Tremendous growth can also happen when we are vulnerable enough to reveal something of ourselves that hasn’t yet seen the light of day; and sometimes that shadow truth shows up as a white hot mess. It doesn’t come out right. We feel exposed. Feelings get hurt. Some less than flattering aspect of ourselves is revealed. We wonder at the point of it all.
Yet regret is rarely helpful; it is powerlessness disguised. It often impedes self-empathy for what is done, is done. There is no point in holding yourself hostage to avoid facing the truth of what now lies before you. Accountability as an internal process contains within it the opportunity for needs to be revealed and a more honest expression of self to emerge... IF we are courageous enough to gaze upon ourselves and take the medicine being offered.
I can’t think of any greater power in my life than that of humility. When life knocks me on my ass, I may bitch and moan for a time... but I no longer stew in it for long because humility reminds me that pain has its purpose. It invites adjustment. Focusing on how to take the reach being offered is a far more worthwhile pursuit, as the mystery of growth reveals itself to us sooner when we are less resistant.
Particularly in the realm of relationship, sovereignty is key. I’m still learning how to love with an open heart, how about you? What to share... where to draw lines... and how to be present when wounds overlap and rub raw against one another. Join me as we dance this dance together... allow your pain points to show you how to navigate the world around you more consciously while healing your tender heart. Be humble to your own evolution, however bumpy the ride, and open to a larger vantage point beyond what you can see. Yet never surrender fully your core truth to the perception of those around you. When it comes to reality, we all see through a different lens. Seek not to convince others that your gaze reflects what is most real. Honor variance, tread lightly, and own what is yours (no more, no less).
And when you have no clue what to do, divorce your role as dramatic storyteller. Instead, find a safe container and tell the deepest truth you possibly can. If in doing so, you still make a mess of things, lean into the knowing that every dark explosion contains within it the potential for rebirth. Yet humility requires you to turn on the lights. Look around you; invite a new response to an old paradigm. And bless the mess that has revealed who you might come to be.