Zoom Out to Tune In


Early this week I had a major meltdown. Yep, it was a doozy. And it all surfaced just before I was headed out to teach class. Ahh... isn't timing divine? ;)

There was of course, a
circumstance... but the storyline that triggered me is of little importance. Very little in fact. Because we are rarely upset about what-is-happening around us; it's more often than not about what-is-stirring at greater depths. Nevertheless, in the moment I was caught in a web of emotion that spun me into full-blown tantrum

It wasn't pretty. Nope, not at all.
I pointed fingers, found fault. I cursed my sensitive nature. I shouted, sobbed, and snotted my discontent.

And then... even though my body was flooded with adrenaline and panic, I was able to zoom out. 

Change is a'rockin' my world. I mean November has been an up-leveling of grand proportions. 16 days ago I moved in with my beloved... a huge move for a single woman of 38. My independence has defined me for so long, it's an adjustment to allow the risk and the vulnerability of partnership, weaving my life together with another. 

Add to that, I've promised on the delivery of another
newborn coaching program. My creative process equals motherhood (it means that much to me). And, I feel the blissful pain-pleasure of birth pending. Daily I vacillate between exhilaration and anxiety (btw, the only difference between the two is all in whether or not I choose to BREATHE). I scribble down inspired ideas: yay! that's what I mean to say!... come face-to-face with doubt: oh holy shit, can I really pull this off?!... and mostly do my best to occupy the space in between.

Trust is up for me, on oh-so many levels.

Which brings us back to my major meltdown moment
ah-hah. I am actively learning how to trust myself. The ability to ZOOM OUT while while deeply triggered was a gift... it enabled me to know what I am really up against internally. The terror of taking a chance on me, my passion, and what I love most. I am learning to trust (not someone else) but ME. Overriding a practiced insecurity and risking the reach anyway. 

Once I began speaking to that, connection within (and thus, with my partner) was re-established immediately. 

YOUR TURN >>>


Are you projecting your pain onto a circumstance that has you feeling out of control?
Does the idea of actually feeling the weight of it all make you want to curl up or lash out? Are you creating more work for yourself by fighting against or pretending to be powerless? Are you focused on this&that, him&her... and ignoring the deeper work? (note: answer 'all of the above' if you've been feeling stuck for awhile)

I invite you to zoom out... which will enable to you tune IN:


1 ~ Zoom. Take a higher vantage point by stepping above the storyline.
2 ~ Admit what you're afraid of and/or what you're really fighting for/against.
3 ~ Stick to YOUR truth; take back what is yours to own (your feelings, needs, desires).
4 ~ Allow the pain and vulnerability to bubble up and access the deeper edge you are working.  
5 ~ Reframe this edge; create an intention that you commit to focus on moving forward.
6 ~ Communicate BOTH the vulnerability and the strength you're conjuring to establish more intimate connection.  

It was this basic process that enabled me to move from meltdown: 
I can't do this! It's too fucking much!... back to a place of center in just 15-minutes time. It should be noted that having a supportive partner as an ally (once I stopped pointing fingers at him! ;) and a witness helped move things along more quickly.

NEVER underestimate the power of entrainment. The people you surround yourself with matter more than you think. 

And embrace your meltdowns... they are opportunities for big-time bust through, if you are willing to stop spinning the story. 


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Truth vs. Tantruming


Why do so many shy away from spilling the truth?
Partially because many so-called "truth-tellers" express themselves in ways that leave the people around them feeling slimed. Deeply compassionate souls aren't really all that interested in contributing to and/or wading through all that muck... so they suck it up and keeping their truth tucked safely inside.

I recently read this quote on Facebook:
It's funny how everybody considers honesty a virtue, but nobody wants to hear the truth.

Hmm... I suggest you immediately give pause to anyone uttering these words. While I believe there is certainly something to that notion, more often than not this is used as a convenient excuse following ineffectual delivery. 

What if we were to take more responsibility for how our expression is being received by the world?... for the results that we are getting? Perhaps the truth doesn't always have to hurt... and speaking out doesn't have to mean alienating others, burning bridges, or mass rebellions. 

There is no such thing as perfect communication, nor is there a guaranteed sidestep for emotional triggers. Nevertheless how the world
repeatedly responds to us has more to do with what we are bringing than we are often willing to take ownership of. 

When it comes to communicating (that includes hearing!) what matters most, we often get derailed by our wounds. Our best intentions to own and express our vulnerability miss the mark because most of us don't have healthy models of how to do this. Instead, we end up "tantruming" vs. sharing, shrouding our pain in justifications and/or mature posturing.

We rarely get the results we want, because our deepest truth just isn't being conveyed. Sharing a story is not the same thing as sharing intimacy. In fact, it's more often than not a distraction from the connective opportunities stewing beneath the surface. Connection results from diving beneath the drama. It's learning to courageously expose and admit pain, especially when primal instinct urges you to lash out. It means owning protections and projections more fully... speaking directly about what it is you are most afraid to own. 

Save yourself the struggle and get to the heart of what it is you want to express to those you love. Let go of the storyline (ever-open to interpretation), stop pointing fingers (defense kills connection, ownership feeds it), and speak to the inarguable truths deep within (your own feelings, needs, and desires).

Want to learn how to do this effectively in the company of other women?
Join the tribe. >> http://bit.ly/182Pytx


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Nectar 101


Nectar 
is what call the distilled, refined essence of what it is you most want to express in life. It is what's being overlooked when you seek to offer your most genuine self, but the impact just isn’t there.

Knowing your nectar and expressing from the space of your deepest true leads to dreams fulfilled and genuine heartfelt connections. It's how you squeeze every ounce of juice from life that you can... guiding so much more than your words, your deepest true ultimately determines how you show up in life.

Words, gestures, and the choices you make, beneath every move lies the heart of what you mean to express. Your ability (or inability) to consciously tap into your deepest true is what determines how well you are received and what you get back from the people and circumstances in your life.

When you discover how to tap into your nectar and habitually distill expression to its core essence, when you deliver truth and make choices from that place, it saves you valuable time and energy. Drama is averted and conditions for connection are ripe.

TribeNectar and
The Spill Your Truth curriculum is about clear communication; yet it is really about so much more than that. It's about learning to more consciously express yourself with every aspect of your being. 

Heart-centered assertiveness is an empath's greatest training ground... offering countless opportunities to own and express compassionate truth, without taking anyone out. It's a practice that goes far deeper than tried-and-true communication techniques. 

I can teach you to speak up... but that doesn’t guarantee you will be heard. 

I can urge you to stand up for something vs. fighting against what-is... but that won't untangle you from the drama's seduction. 

Guiding you toward your most vulnerable truth and demonstrating how to tap into that and express yourself more authentically from that place... this is a tangible freedom that has the power to change your life. 

For good.

Want to learn more? Visit
TribeNectar.com. Act quickly. Early Bird registration ends Friday. 


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Aloha... Soaking Up Mama Kauai

Aloha!

I am writing to you from a beautiful guest house in Kilauea, on the north shore of Kauai. One of my dearest friends is hosting a transformational seven-day retreat, and I feel blessed to be a part of it. I'm on the island for two weeks total, and for the past few days I have been immersed in the company of women. It's so powerfully nurturing to be surrounded by other like-hearted souls who are likewise possibility-oriented... all willingly reach past what-is into what-may-be, actively keeping our hearts open to life at every turn.

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It's extraordinary to stand tall and hold eye contact with the beautiful-ugly truth... through practice, developing the confidence to have an unflinching dialogue with the raw spaces inside. Growth doesn't have to hurt OR be a heavy trek through the dark. 
Given the right tools, we can up-level our lives without all the drama... putting our empathic gifts to work within enables us to evolve without terrorizing ourselves or the people around us.

My vision in the creation of 
TribeNectar is to offer women from all over the world access to the richness of what I am experiencing here, everyday. It's essential to practice showing up for one another at our best, while being willing to own our worst... together learning that it's safe and essential to expose what's true. While I prescribe to the merits of privacy, I feel we often take things too far, over-isolating ourselves from life's most natural medicine... vulnerability through conscious self-exposure. 

Transformation happens when we share openly with others who feel as we do. Safe and habitual exposure puts us in touch with the space of our most honest human potential.

Retreat doesn't have to happen only once a year in a distant exotic location. You can begin to experience collective synergy right now. Apply to join 
theNetwork - an intimate online community discussion group, led by yours truly. Smattered across the globe, we are a close-knit group of witnesses all willing to grow and learn through offered experiences. I provide some fodder for our interactions, and I invite you to do the same. Announce and own your expansive intentions. Offer your stories of challenge. Purge your frustrations and upsets. I will do my best to chime in on every thread, offering *totally free group coaching* while keeping the unfiltered juices flowing. Important side note: everything shared in our group must be kept confidential, without exception. A brief application required to ensure alignment.

And if you want to liberate your voice in a way you never thought possible, check out the first ever TribeNectar Immersion. It's a 99-day experience that will transform the way you express yourself in every arena of your life. 
The Spill Your Truth Curriculum offers highly-interactive, heart-centered assertiveness training that works. 

Off I go to take in the island and gather up more goodness to share with you all!

Soaking up the Nectar, 

Candice



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