Why Debauchery Hurts So Good

Debauchery: Living a Life Untamed
Candice Schutter - theMessenger, November 2009

True debauchery is liberating because it creates no obligations. In it you possess only yourself; hence it remains the favorite pastime of the great lovers of their own person. 
- Albert Camus

I have recently ventured on an experiment of sorts. I am exploring the many delightful gifts of debauchery...a life untamed. The controversial implications of the word debauchery make it the perfect choice. Its actual meaning: extreme indulgence in sensuality and/or seduction from virtue or duty. Despite its cultural baggage, debauchery is quite simply: freedom unleashed. It is a choice that is unconcerned with the opinion of others. It is the medicine that every generation brings to the one that proceeds it as it challenges all that is considered true in order to evolve humanity forth. Its powerful nature may reveal darkness; yet, it is a volcanic force of change. When you embrace the gifts of debauchery, it holds the potential to launch all aspects of who you are becoming into orbit. It can be a bold and chaotic revolution of self. I am wild with delight in my own personal brand of debauchery.
You might be thinking, "whoa there, girl! why the need for such rebellion?"

Surrendering The New Religion 
For nearly a decade, I have focused almost singularly on self-awareness and personal growth. I have studied, and I have practiced. As a dutiful student of spiritual inquiry and metaphysics, I did my best to clear the clutter of my mind. I made sure that my intentions were defined and directed. I abstained from alcohol and other substances that might inhibit my ability to focus. I taught others how to become conscious of their words, thoughts, and actions. I even became extremist in my choices; sharing energy only with people who I felt contributed to my aim for such diligence. This continual emphasis on being deliberate certainly created some useful habits in me. Yet, over time, I became restless, caged, and - truth-be-told - even slightly judgmental.
In some ways, I had allowed "spirituality" to become my religion. I let it confine me to elitist thinking and/or artificial ways of being that felt misaligned with my own evolving inner guidance.
Like a tiger in a cage, I began pacing the parameters of my confines, seeking a way out. As a result, I sent out a signal for freedom from my monastic pursuits - freedom from principle, form and constructs. I found myself gravitating towards examples of raw truth and uncensored self-expression, hoping they held the key to my release.

Unleashing the Wild Woman
My desire for freedom summoned the perfect series opportunities.
Zumba arrived on the scene to liberate me on a physical level. Through wild girations of my form, I began to embrace my body in a way like never before. Latin dance has taught me that my curves are glorious mechanisms for femininity - round and supple counterparts to circular, raw, explosive movements. In embracing my body in this new way, I was introduced to an unexpected ally:  She is bold, wild, sexy, and physically passionate...a creature who thrives on freedom. She is a fiercely-alive, untamed version of me.
Her hunger was palpable after spending so much time latent. She began to comb her surroundings for outlets, and she found more than one. The past couple of months have sent me into uncharted territories on every level. My desires have become vehicles for my own liberation. I have been living uncensored, accepting opportunities that send me forth in unrefined celebration and pleasure.
For as long as I can remember, I have resisted the wild woman within. I tamed my unruly curls; now I let them pour forth. I covered my curves; now I flaunt them. I push against the parts of me that revealed uncensored shadow truths; now I am openly revealing the dark spaces. I am surrendering my attachment to discipline and am allowing the grace of the moment to guide me. It has been a wild and insightful ride. Yet, in shadows revealed there is a bright spark of self-realization. And let me tell you, if joy is an indicator (which I believe it to be), I am on the right track. My laughter is resonating more and more expansively every day.

Daring to Go Further 
In the spirit of said intention, I am liberating my voice with you as a witness. I will become a more free and willing vessel for my work. Up until now, my rawest musings have been sequestered to the pages of my journals. Visible posts have been edited and distilled wisdoms that reveal only the bright spots.
I now realize that the most powerful examples are authentic and pure transmissions of both shadow and shine. You simply can't have one without the other.
If you feel so inspired, I invite you to tune in and even chime in! Become a Fan on Facebook or subscribe to the SHiNE Blog RSS feed to view recent and future postings. Attend an upcoming class or retreat and I promise to more consciously create space for all shades of shadow and shine.
Thank you in advance for bearing witness as I allow my voice to expand. It is my hope that this act of courage will inspire a comparable unveiling of some latent potential in YOU.
Delight in the discoveries that your untamed desires can reveal. Remember, it is the coupling of your darkness and your light that shapes the whole of who you are.