3 Fears That Keep Us Stuck

I specialize in helping people get unstuck. Over the years, my work has shown me that there are three questions that can quickly reveal how to get a life moving again. 

What are you afraid to admit?
What you feel most called to withhold just might be holding your life hostage.
 The most vulnerable and pivotal truths are often steeped in shame, so we keep them hidden from view. Feelings, thoughts, and impulses we would rather reject end up lashing out at our lives... acting out, like the neglected children of our psyche. 

Denial keeps you (and everyone around you) stuck. 
You can't change it if you aren't willing to own it.

Admitting your desires and or struggles from a place of empowerment looks very different than bitching and moaning. Self advocacy is the willingness to stand up and announce your willingness and right to overcome challenges, mutating your secret pains into rip-roaring power. Claiming your needs be honored is a healthy act of sovereignty. 
Afraid that your truthful admission will hurt those closest to you?... I can assure you that denial of your deepest true will do far more damage in the long-run. The most painful truth is often the most potent. Show up for you and allow others the opportunity to show up for how it lands in their world.  

What are you afraid to let go of?

Some part of your life has been long outgrown. It could be a role you've been playing, a relationship, a job, or simply a state of mind that no longer serves your greatest good. We tether our identity to beliefs and circumstances that serve us for a time... until eventually they become ill-fitting. We have to allow for many deaths in order to keep birthing our lives forward. 

Letting go can be a bitter-sweet confusion.
It is a treacherous reach into the great unknown. 

When something or someone no longer satisfies our needs in the now, it means divorcing a dynamic. It can be painful to release ourselves from something that we once identified with or invested in so profoundly. Not to mention we must face the terrifying expanse of the wide empty terrain that awaits us. 
Do you fear that letting go means giving up?... Release can be about authentic freedom or it can be avoidance of a necessary medicine. Not sure? Ask yourself if in letting go you would feel a sense of relief on a soulular level. Letting go of something good because of a genuine call toward something great is no step backwards, even if you can't yet see where you are going.

What are you afraid will never happen?

There is an expression within you that you ache for. While you may not be clear as to how this expression will come to be, some part of you yearns to feel your uniqueness manifested in form. Expression can show up in a conversation, artistic creation, vocation, relational role, or simply in expressing your innate freedom to do none of these things. 

It's time you author your own story. 
Some part of you is meant to ask 
why (or why not?) in a way no one has before. 

Restlessness will be your constant companion until you willingly move your life in the direction of what you really want. That dull nameless ache in your gut that keeps you from appreciating all the blessings you see around you?... it's pointing you toward something. And it's most likely daring you to challenge the status quo within your world in some way.  
How can you more authentically express this life you call yours?... Perhaps you are operating under the assumption that your dreams are out of reach to you because of the way you've always seen it done. There is no guidebook for what it is that you want to express, for it's never been done before. Stop waiting for the variables align perfectly when you are the one creating the game board for you. 

Are any of these fears keeping you stuck? 
Is there another you'd like to share?
Tell us about it in the comments below.


Unfinished Business

It may look polished, but it is hardly done. My business is as unfinished as I am. 

Big Fat Confession: I don't feel right, calling myself a life coach.
I really dislike the title and the projections that can come along with it. Yet past attempts to author a distinction all my own felt pretentious and/or always ended up sounding like some sort of new-age mumbo jumbo - and that ain't me either. 

I'm an expressionist who makes a living sharing my experiences with others. I teach and mentor women who want to dance freely to rhythms that I know well - both literally and figuratively. I don't have all the answers or the right moves, I have only my experiences and an innate ability to hear, see, and reflect light... even in the darkest spaces.

Releasing a 
curriculum has been super edgy for me, because it comes off as formulaic. I absolutely love teaching, yet creating classes - where ideas might be held constant - is risky business to say the least. Thus, the PHP course is more than anything else a collection of reflections on my own path of self-revelation... along with shortcuts and detours that have helped others avoid making the same mistakes that I have. 

Radically-real expression penetrates us to the core. It's not a special power to possess. We all have it. Yet, for most of us, it is scary as hell to do. Why? Because what is most real has the most power to activate us and the people around us - for better or for worse. 

As a mentor, provocateur, and poet... I get this in a big way. With every click of the keyboard, I run the risk of evoking sleeping giants. I see things and stir them up with my words, it's a reality I've been avoiding for most of my life. And so, even today, I find myself breathing through the anxiety of being so seen... coupled with an insatiable call to write that's been with me every day as far back as I can remember.

With ANY expression comes the inevitability of mixed reviews, not to mention the fact that a new and more crystal-clear insight is always just around the bend to challenge all we've ever said before. 

Think you've figured it out? Think again.

Our business is always unfinished, same as it ever was.

Feeling afraid to risk exposure? Me, too.

But remember, nothing clarifies like exposure to light.

PHP Enrollment is Now Open
Includes TribeNectar™ Community Access


So What? You're Scared.

“Why do I keep avoiding the life I want?!”

“Start before you’re ready.” - Marie Forleo

It is really freakin’ easy to put things off. I mean, seriously easy... I myself can spend hours planning [translation: postponing!] something I really want to do. Literally. I am a compulsive list-maker... and it’s seemingly good cause to feel productive when not much of anything is actually going on. Ironically, many people would describe me as a go-getter - disciplined and responsible. Ha!... I’ve got them fooled, eh?! ;) Nah... it’s true. I can be counted on to get shit done, that’s for sure. It’s only the things that require the most heart and soul that I avoid. Curious, eh?

Case in point, many of you know that I am a writer. I have shared bits of pieces of myself via articles here and there. I even have a blog dedicated to my love of poetry and prose. (
RecklessNectar... and yes, it’s as raw and succulent as it sounds.) But lately I have been wanting to more actively incorporate my writing into my coaching practice, in bigger and bolder ways... and with consistency!!! So why haven’t I done it? I love to write, so that’s not where the resistance lies. My blog is a perfect place to start; I clearly have the platform. But instead of sitting down to write, I put it off or plan it... I make lists of topics... I get distracted by what is urgent... I continually postpone my bliss. WTF?...

I see this phenomenon all around me. Clients that can’t keep themselves from crossing their arms and rolling their eyes when I mention the thing they’d most love to do with their lives. Friends who are wickedly skilled in a great variety of things that light them up, putting off the baby steps in exchange for happy hour or a Facebook session. Millions of people settle for lives that don’t-quite-suck and put off what would make them GLOW. In fact I have found that almost anyone, if you probe long enough, has a latent passion they’ve dreamt of stepping into for as long as they can remember.

So what gives, yo?!
Why do so many of us resist getting on with it?

Why do we AVOID doing what we would most love to do?

Conventional psychology would say that “fear of failure” is the culprit. Many would argue that our insecurities are what terrorize our will to act. Perhaps, in some cases. But if we examine more closely, I think we will see an even deeper fear at work. I call it Fear of Exposure.

You see, what we love the most, reveals us the most.
Essentially, our deepest passions are connected with the most intimate part of us. When we unlock their expression, we are completely exposed. Offering exposure to what is most real for us is the scariest thing we could ever do. Ironically it is also the key to unlocking
our greatest joy. We are our most free when we are our most vulnerable, honest, naked, and real.

It’s scary, isn’t it?... being so exposed?
True. It takes practice, stepping into the light in all your naked glory. But let’s be clear, it’s not the fear that stops you from doing what your heart yearns for. Hesitation does that. What’s the difference, you ask? Fear only has the power you give it. It’s just a handy surge of energy that rises up when we feel a real or imagined threat. It’s a subtle (or sometimes paralyzing) sensation that you can learn to navigate. It’s not fear that is the problem, it is what you do in the face of that fear that defines how the moment will unfold....

When faced with exposure of self... Do you hesitate? Or do you ACT? Giving vehicle to your authentic desires... acting in the face of fear... this will conjure up more power than you could ever imagine.

Uh... okay... but but... but Coach... what about my insecurities?... processing my core issues?... chanting affirmations?... making vision boards?... reading the latest and greatest self-help book? Great! Do those things if you feel they light you up in a meaningful way.
But none of them, NOT A SINGLE ONE is a substitute for action. Trust me on this... I’ve done the legwork.

It’s GO TIME....

I commit to:
Writing. It is the passion I mostly intimately connect to. It is what I was born to do... and therefore, it scares the shit out of me how naked I become when I do it. And that’s EXACTLY why I have to do it. I plan to walk my talk, and I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

What about YOU?
What are you scared shitless of doing... that you are going to
just do anyway? I’ve got your back. Seriously. You don’t have to do it alone. And trust me. The Nike brand is timeless for a reason. Just Do It. These three words will change your life forever.

Action transmutes fear into pure, raw POWER.
So go kick fear in the ass!!